January 5th, 2007 by erisian

My friends had a cell phone stolen last month and did not think to turn it off through the cell company until a week had passed. When they recieved the phone bill they had a record of text messages that were placed while the phone was out of their reach. 30-40$ had been charged to the account in text msgs alone. Though we wish we could see the contents of the messages, all we have is the numbers the calls were placed to.

It is about 3pm and I am drinking a cup of coffee. What a perfect time to mess with someone and hope that they do not have unlimited text messages.. i want to nickel and dime them. i want payback for the charges on my friends account. taking one of the text messages from the bill, i grab the phone number. let the first text message be sent and we will see where this goes.

Me: Is it too early to come over to your place? Is your husband still home?

we required a little more information about the person on the other end of the line so we could properly adjust the act. from an alternate telephone i called the number hoping to get voicemail with a first name.
Instad, i am assaulted with hard metal music.. a few seconds go by before it is turned down.. we discuss things for a moment and advise each other it is a wrong number call. as we get off the line, he calls me bro.

based off the stereotypes available.. this should be raunchy and we should talk about anal play as much as possible.

If we could get this guy to talk dirty to us, we could have a lot of fun later when we have more ammo. havent decided what to do with him yet, maybe start calling him at 3 am and ask to talk to my woman.. or leave his neighbors a stack of transcripts so they can know who they live next to.. maybe just publish our conversation and his number on the web for others to fuck with ( not quite yet)… we will see what happens

Him: Come over. Ill be waiting.
Ooooh, it is on now. all legal restrictions have now been removed. this man has decided to fuck with me, someone who could easil;y have mistaken his number for someoneelses, and told me to head over to a house that would have an angry husband waiting at the door. this fuckewr will now be my plaything.

Me: Sweetness. I’ll be right there. You can put on one of your his suits again. We will play brokeback mountain and side each other like horse theives.

Him: Yeah! Ride me cowboy!

Me: I am gonna lube you up and massage your ass hole like a monkey kneading banana bread!

Him: Yummy

Him: Will you eat me like no other?

We waited about An hour and 20 minutes to reply back. at this point, we had been messaging this fool for about an hour so we felt it was likely that i would have made it to the girldfiends house by then.
Trying to keep realism in the situation was integral to fucking with him and getting him to play along.
We felt it was the right time to introduce the name of the person he was pretending to be. Let him settle into the part of being my little bitch.

Me: No but i might beat you with my cock you fucking cunt! Why did you tell me to come over when you knew he was still home? I had to prete4nd to be a Mormon so he

Me: Wouldn’t know we knew each other. You are gonna have to make this up big time, Ho!

Me: So how you gonna fix this Libby? If you are going to keep playing games like that, you better have a plan. It’s not like i couldn’t be out bangin some other broad.

Him: Sorry babe. Hes gone now. Ill make it up to u when u get over here. ok?

Me: How you gonna make it up to me? I wanna know before i get over there. It’s a long ass drive. And how do i know he is really gone? The mormon thing cantwork twice

Him: The only way to find out is if you come over.Stop being a bitch, your acting like if hes bigger than you. My neighbor will fuck me in a secondso it’s up to you

Me: I am getting a lapdance right now Libby. I an at Mary’s. Will be up there soon. Give me something to think about while this bitch has her drizzling tang in my face…

Him: Where you at?

Him: Remember you cant eat till you get here.so hurry up before i get dry again

Me: I am at Mary’s. If you want i can bring you some juice in my mouth. We can use it for lube and pretend it’s a threesome.

Me: I will bring you some juice for your purring kitty. I gotta tell you that if you werent so dam good, i would trade you in for a model 4ith less miles.

Him: Your being naughty. Is that all you got?

Me: You know what i got. A chunk of meat little cannibal girls like you love to gnaw on. I aint hungry but you better be.

Him: Are you drunk?

Me: Not too drunk to come over there and make you wimper and gag.If your man is there i am gonna break some shit.

Him: Sounds like a party to me. :)

Him: Prove it boy

Him: what else do you want to do to me?

The drunk question worked wonders. suddenly, we have a perpetual story line that allows us room to drag this out for days. all i had to do was “get drunk” and “get in a fight” and “get arrested”
goddamn. i love idiots… an hour passes before i respond.

Me: Tgis strippe has more metal in her snatch vian you doo. Its like a suit of chain mail. I bet she could hide a whole compny of charlies in that bush.

Him: I know a man who peirces. i am going to him up tonight

Him: You There?

Him: Babe, where you at?

another hour goes by before i answer.

Me: Ibm at mary.’s stilln. some guy needs a pop in teh chin.. Asshool.

Me: Dont worry your head. Iwill beover and make yous head sin soon as vhis guy gets his share

Him: Ok

Him: U getting in a fight?

That was it for the night..
the next morning i would apologize and tell him/her i was sorry and that i loved him/her.. i plan on gettin “drunk again before the night is out and making this fool my bitch..