Fnord Incorporated

Dreaming of Gwen Stefani - Evan Mandery

whew.. where to start.

Evan Mandery.. what an interesting fellow. If you go to college at NYC’s John Jay College, you can find him in the school’s rolodex as a Professor of ethics and death penalty law. He has apparently written a couple of non-fiction books: The Campaign: Rudy Giuliani, Ruth Messinger, Al Sharpton, and the Race to Be Mayor of New York City in 1999 and Eyes on City Hall: A Young Man’s Education in New York Political Warfare in 2001.

The guy knows how to do research (wow, i mean, wow), more on that topic here in a few moments.

Dreaming of Gwen Stefani is all about Mortimer Taylor Coleridge. Here is the back of the book normally, i dont do this, but it doesnt tell you anything that the first ten pages wouldnt cover expansively:

Mortimer Taylor Coleridge is a unique man. With a mind of rare mathematical precision, he is obsessed with imposing order upon the chaos of every day life. A once brilliant student of evolutionary biology at Columbia University, he has turned his back on a promising academic career to devote his life to selling hot dogs at Papaya Queen. And Mortimer has used his keen intellect to become the quickest and most efficient of hot dog men, devising a numerical-based system to sell hot dogs which maximizes both time and effort.

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One day while watching TV, Mortimer comes upon VH1, and his life is instantly transformed. While watching Behind the Music: No Doubt, he decides that he and Gwen Stefani are soul mates, destined to be together. When Mortimer discovers that her favorite food is a Papaya Queen hot dog, he dedicates his life to preparing for the day, which he knows will come, when Gwen Stefani will walk into the Papaya Queen where he works, order a frankfurter and fall in love with him.

This cast of characters in this book was pretty incredible.

The character Mortimer spends a lot of time writing in notebooks through out his life, attempting to capture moments and thoughts so that they will never be lost. much of this book feels like you are reading his undisclosed pages, and i feel that this was how it was supposed to come across, especially considering the epilogue.

Mortimer is obsessive, manic, methodical. Mortimer, as listed above, was a “brilliant student at Columbia University”. He is forever changed when he attends a class taught by Professor Fillmore Skinny. Skinny teaches a class where everyone who shows up is nearly guaranteed an A grade. by the end of Skinny’s lecture series, Mortimer is the only person left in class, and his world has been destroyed. His perception of human nature and consequences has been struck down so hard by this teacher/mentor/idol, that he drops out of school and commits his life to servitude at the one place he can love and understand, the Hot Dog shop he frequented in college.

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Mortimer’s girlfriend Violet is an obsessive, emotional future beaten housewife. she will and does do everything in her power to make Mortimer happy. she will do anything not to be alone.

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Bertrand Skinny is Mortimer’s boss. the majority of his conversations in the book consist of the phrase “this is better”. he is dry and typical in most every way.

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Gwen Stefani, current lead singer of the band “No Doubt”. She, being the object of desire in this yarn, is exposed to us in varying levels of information. from the history of the bands origins, to her climb to stardom. lyrical interpretation, speculation on her thoughts and motives, the most logical ways to swoon her.

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This book spends about every other chapter dealing with the events surrounding the characters, the only one that you get deep insight into is Mortimer himself and supposed insight into Gwen. all the rest are casually available but not very substantial. Mortimer drones on and on about subjects. this is where the author’s research skills come in. You ever want to read a short but cohesive history about No Doubt? the story behind Ska music in general? Do you want to think of human beings as nothing but constructs built for the purpose of furthering the propagation of Nucleic acids and that everything you think you know is an illusion created to make you blindly live your life thinking it was your own? do you think that humans are nothing but more advanced worms with arms, legs, and bigger brains? well, each of these topics are incredibly well thought out and researched.

how about the origins Hot Dogs/Frankfurters or the ratio of 8 buns to 10 dogs in a package? i was surprised to find myself both salivating and ravenously reading ahead as i learned more baout them. the history, the small facts, even a compelling and logical answer to that eternal ratio as well as why it has never been resolved in society…. it is not so much conspiracy as plain stupidity and pigheadedness. i will have to do further research and post about that specifically later on.

i came to an understanding with Mortimer once i read this. He and i should go bowling and drink a beer.. he seems like a douchebag, but all the same, one that if he were real, one i would want to pick the brain of.

Alex goes to the dentist.

My buddy Alex went to the dentist today.

how he returned cracks me up.

i am glad for him being a good sport… otherwise i would not have been able to record this

the alchemist -paulo coehlo

the cover of this book states that it has changed the lives of millions. i cant say that it changed me, it was a good read and i enjoyed it. on some levels i read it and thought of it as “hemmingway-lite”. the characters are well built and interesting. it is humorous at points and very poetic in its descriptions.

the story follows a spanish shepherd who leaves the andalusian plains to search for a treasure. he is prompted to do so after having a dream of seeing the  egyptian pyramids and learning of a treasure that he would find there. as his journey progresses he learns of alchemy, but not in the lead to gold sense that all of our modern stories talk of, he learns it as life itself being lead, and all things being transmutable into something higher. the story was warm and worth reading, but i would suggest going into it with out any expectations, you will absorb more from it with an open and clean mind as opposed to a “this will change me” perspective.  i go into every book with the expectation of entertainment and walk away with what ever i walk away with. in this case, it was awe, respect, and a little bit of fear.

i entered into the alchemist with a personal understanding of how the world works. an understanding that all things are connected and the world is a series of chain reactions and coincidences. following the chain and discounting the coincidences, you can move from one place to the next, constantly learning to disregard and embrace at a moments notice. to dwell on things that deserve contemplation and make informed decisions. under 200 pages later, i came out with a clear view of what the author is looking to show, and i can only see the life changing aspects occurring to people on the brink of change already, or who have not looked at the world enough to recognize the intricate ties that all things hold to one another.

this is not to say that change has not occurred, just that i have a hard time seeing said change in others. the person who gave me this book, says she was moved to change by it, i trust her in her interpretation of the reading as well as its use in her life. in reference to the book, she was transmuted, she followed the tale and came away something more than she was. following the book, this alteration shows in herself an alchemist, making alterations.

the story is a nice mesh of christian ideologies with eastern. mix in some folklore. mix in some faith in something more than religion. mix in some gummy bears.. welcome to coldstone.

my largest concern after reading this book was definitely fear. not fear for myself but fear for others. most people i have talked to have no understanding of the world outside of christianity. they  come away touched and full of perspective that is often times quelled inside them from the early years of being fed doctrine. others, the ones i really fear for are the ones who are not in that category, specifically the ones that are already teetering on the edge of reality. the ones who would embrace the book so fully that they quote it daily, absorb the ideas and phrases, use it in their personal religions. people need less dogma, not more. and to take something like this and make it a keystone in their world frightens me.. we already have enough dogma.. enjoy the book, take what you can from it, then let it alone..

Demons are forever: i friggin love this series

Demons are forever, book three of the Kate Connor/Crowe demon hunter soccer mom series.

Julie Kenner is a great writer. making me fiend after a story line is a tough accomplishment. going from book on, two and now finishing book three, i tried and tried to space it out. i read book one, Carpe Demon 3 months or so ago, and refused to buy the other books until i had worked some other fiction out. Jenn decided as a surprise, to buy books two and three for me… now i am utterly hooked.. reading them quickly was so hard to avoid. i spent a good deal of time reading other books but found myself eyealling the stacks containing these two gifts and i am officially hooked!

jenn learned that she should make me read books we are both into first because it is easier for me to keep quiet while she reads than it is for her too. she gets frustrated and wants to talk about it, but cant because of the whole spoiler thing.. she was being tortured trying to talk to me and me reminding her that i had not read it yet.. plugging my ears when it seemed she was about to say something too telling.

quick recap

Carpe Demon [link] covered the return from retirement of Kate Connor, formerly Kate Crowe. as Kate Crowe, she was an ass kicking demon fighting martial arts mastering warrior who fought for mankind and god. once retired, her and her husband settled down and became your typical suburban household. after a tragic mugging, Kates husband Eric dies and she eventually remarries (becoming Kate Crowe). thrust back into the world of demon fighting only as her family becomes endangered, she must learn to balance the normal responsibilities of a stay home mom with the life threatening duties of demon hunting

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California Demon [link] followed up the original book with Kate Conner beginning to settle back into her normal life. she patrols the streets at night and reads the paper every day looking for a little bit of info about any demonic activity that might be occurring around town. This book introduces David Long, a teacher who lives in San Diablo and works at her daughters school. but that is not his only job, he is also a demon hunter, rogue and roaming the streets taking out evil. Rogues are generally associated with deceit and villiany, so that he pronounces himself proudly as rogue leads one to believe there is more to the story.

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Demons are Forever picks up exactly where book two ends, with in moments. Kate is forced to let some of her guard down and her secrets begin to spill out. Her daughter learns in the first few pages about her history and demands to train harder in order to be able to protect herself. yet again, San Diablo is accosted by demons of the highest magnitude and it will require everyone to be on the ball to destroy their plans. a lot of secrets the readers are are on edge about are met in this book WITH ANSWERS! Eric’s secrets come out, Davids secrets come out, Kates secrets come out..

this book had a few things in it that are forgiven by the readers and fans.. all in all it was very enjoyable.. i really have a hard time reviewing it because all i want to do is talk about aspects that are awesome, but they would give away too many plot secrets and i hate spoilers. i had to erase this section 3-4 ties and removed pretty much everything because it is all closely knitted with the other books and simple statemnts could spoil something easily.

commentary on the cover.. it is a bit misleading.. demons that are connected to the school existed in both of the other books but in this one, there really was limited high school interaction. if i were the publisher, i would remove the lame tag line at the top stating “minions of the occult running amok in a demon free school zone? time to raise hell”.. it is misleading and overly cheesy. it has no relation to the book and does not accurately display the quality of written work inside. likewise with the school bus cover.. it would be better represented with a lotus, or a library, or hey, how about a demon tail coming out from underneath a cookie sheet and a handful of spilled freshbaked cookies?..

the covers from the other two were awesome.. book one related to the initial fact that Kate is a suburban housewife, so they showed a house with a yard etc. book two had a beach scene with a beach chair and an umbrella.. once again, appropriate as there was a surf and beach theme to much of the book…. this one? lame…

so there you have it.. book excellent, cover lame…