Complaining
i’m complaining.. obviously.. i think i spend too much time at work lately as all i really have to talk about is work related crap and emails…
grrrrr…
This next section is not complaining.. it is humorous
Sent: Thursday, March 27, 2008 8:25 PM
Subject: Email spam
This evening we identified a component of our email system which we believe was causing some legitimate messages to be rejected as spam. This service has now been disabled.
One problem with this is that you may now receive more email spam in you inbox. We hope this inconvenience is offset by the knowledge that you should now be losing less real mail.
If this becomes an issue, please let us know and we will disable your account. Paper and envelopes may be found in the stationery closet, stamps are your problem.
Thanks for your understanding.
this is also not complaining..today i am forcing myself to listen to (good) bad music.. a compilation of sorts that a friend passed on to me. to my understanding, these are all songs from 1987, but i am too lazy to check
Anthrax - I’m the man (def uncensored version)
George Michael - I want your sex
Europe - The Final countdown
Gloria Estefan - Rhythm is gonna get you
Exodus - Pleasures of the flesh
The Cure - Just like Heaven
White Lion - Wait
Tpau - China in your hands
Butthole Surfers - Kuntz
Michael Jackson - Dirty Diana
Guns’n'roses - Mr. Brownstone
INXS - Devil inside
Tiffany - I think we’re alone now
Joe Satriani - Satch Boogie
Samantha Fox - Touch me (I want your body)
this part is not complaining and is instead, pouting..
image found at positivesharing.com
Spam.. or is it?
in the support email folder at my work today, we received a bizarre email that looked like spam. we deleted it and thought nothing of it for about it. this is nothing new, we get spam all the time. turns out, it was spam.. but it was not spam.. but it was… it was… someone getting caught in the act of spamming?
i changed the company name and edited their names so that they can keep their privacy though i cannot edit other sites… that make this all the more ironic. if you really want to know who they are (why again?) it should be fairly easy to figure out.
Just for reference, according to Entrepreneur of the Industry
“Danny […] won the first ever BPMA Entrepreneur of the Industry Award for the UK’s promotional marketing industry ”
apparently he is also kinda a dick to his employees when they make mistakes… we know this how? cause he spammed us back with his reply to our initial spam…
Well, there’s egg and bacon,
egg sausage and bacon
Egg and spam
Egg, bacon and spam
Egg, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, bacon, sausage and spam
Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam
1st email
From: Chris E***
Sent: 25 March 2008 14:44
To: support
Cc: Danny B****
Subject: Crazee Thingz at crazee price’sDear Sir / Madam
My name is Chris E*** and I work for a company called Asylum Puzzles / Wackee Thingz and I feel that 1 of our products is perfect corporate gift for your business. The Chrome Asylum cube is a 13 puzzle, which has 19 186 solutions and I believe is just what [my company] needs. We thought that you may like an electronic version of our new UK Wackee Catalogue (please see attached) and hope that we can provide you with some Crazee Thingz at Crazee Prices.
We look forward to doing some business with you in 2008 and beyond.
If i can be of any further assistance, please contact me on 0845 230 ****.
With kindest regardsChris E***
Sales Executive
Asylum Puzzles Ltd
ow.. what sucky spam.. they contacted us to sell us corporate gifts.. well, spam is spam.. but here is the best part.. APPARENTLY, Danny is Chris’s boss. read on:
2nd email
From: Danny B***
Sent: Tuesday, March 25, 2008 8:11 AM
To: Chris E***; Support
Subject: RE: Crazee Thingz at crazee price’sChris
please be careful and re-read your emails back to yourself before sending
Last few emails have all had the line “The Chrome Asylum cube is a 13 puzzle, which has 19 186 solutions and I believe is just what Chrome needs.”13 puzzle? Doesn’t make sense - do you mean “The Asylum Cube is a 13 piece, 3-D puzzle which has 19,186 different solutions?”
Also, like this email below - you are promoting 2 companies - at once… which isn’t ideal - as you think the chrome fits for this then fine…?Are you following ANY of these hundreds of emails with phone calls - and have you had ANY replies from ANY of them…
I’d much prefer you try and do some ‘phone’ selling - as email doesn’t seem to be working…D
well good job Danny.. thanks for letting us know that this was spam… we appreciate you filling our mailbox with information that we do not need.
Our reply was sent to advise them that they need not send us further solicitations for business.
3rd email
From: Support
Sent: Tuesday, March 25, 2008 4:03 PM
To: Danny B***; Chris E***
Subject: RE: Crazee Thingz at crazee price’sDanny:
Please consider removing Carbon Copied “prospective customers” from your emails before laying into your employees about their email habits. It makes you look foolish as well as shows us that we have just been purposefully spammed.
And consider laying off Chris, he is just doing the “job” you hired him to do.
Jason
Client Support
unfortunately, it was not until after sending the email that i realized the phrase “laying off” could be mean firing, or not being a dick towards… sorry if you lose your job Chris, i meant the lesser not being a dick to you bit.. spamming sucks eh?
Spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam tomato and spam
Spam, spam, spam, egg and spam
Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam.
Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! Lovely Spam! Lovely Spam!
humor | Comments (4)Zombie Jebus Day / Fat White Vampire Blues
Beer beer beer wine beer… what a night. i ate beef and drank a lot. Jenn puked. Sean was a smart ass as we smartass schooled his ass at pool.
Zombie Jebus day. . he died. he was reborn undead. many people follow him virally, religion is viral.. his legs never needed to be shaved or combed because his hairs was fine/dandy. women swooned, men swooned, standing water stood still in his honor. mascara smeared and was revitalized in a matter of moments. other silly things occurred.. alas, the powers of the undead could not win against the mutant egg laying bunny. the virus began losing strength and zombi-christ died. our pagan brothers and sisters weep as they see fertility blossom, become wasted, and rot under the falling pre-april rains.
all hail Zombie Jebus, may he eat the brains of all Al-anon-believers… he will become drunk on their blood and his frenzy will be fierce. he will rip them apart limb by limb and create a pretty painting from ther squirting blood. some will call it art, others will consider it abstract-expressionistic garbage. others will claim that jebus paid a 5 year old to do it, but we will all know the truth. unless the child were undead, he/she could never rend the limbs from an alcoholics body. the muscle tissue is just too damn tough after proper aging and pickling.
Books - I just finished reading Fat White Vampire Blues. by Andrew Fox
Imagine if you will. a 450 pound vampire. he finds that the taste of a plump and well fed victim is far superior to other blood out in the world. and who is to blame him when compared to to the watered down, metallic tasting flavor of a vitamin infused joggers blood or that which you would find in a lactose intolerant soy drinker?
it is worth the extra effort to take a victim out for a full fledged chow session if it means that their blood will be thick and deliciously full of cholesterol, and triglycerides. as stated in the book, it would be similar to drinking 2% milk as compared to watery skim milk. one just TASTES better.. Give em a chunk of lamb, make it rare and fatty. toss on an extra scoop of gravy. whatever. it will make them all the plumper.
now. what happens when said 450 pound vampire gets in a race war with a vampire who doesnt like how he picks his victims, and what ethnicity said victims are?
This wonderful book apparently has a sequel and i WILL BE READING IT. overall, it had vivid characters, and an interesting plot line.
some of the book was a bit difficult to read as it seemed to skips important details in certain scenes. almost as if it was being written to fast for its own good. i was left checking pages 2 or three times in an effort to find out what i missed, just to determine it was an matter of interpretation for something similar.
obviously this did not stop me from devouring the book and loving it. it was highly amusing fromcover to cover.
VERY interesting interpretations and additions to the typical vampire mythologies. it answers questions that only physicists would ask
Books / Stories/ Articles, Other, humor | Comment (0)Best search terms / Book review
I was going through logs and analytical data the other day and was surprised when i noticed that the search terms used to reach this site have taken a drastic change.
these really blow me away.
I guess this is the drawback to using a database driven site. it is all accessible as a single page and thus search terms can be applied that are not actually together in reality.
I have blog used in some posts, co worker in others, and raped in the ass used elsewhere.. combined together though, i end up with traffic from some sick fucked up rapist loser.
sigh.. the humor of it all makes me glow.
TAKE THAT ! one less website that matches your true desires!!
Search terms:
blogs i raped my coworker
jesus in my ass
dicks from little boys
someone dead in a car
hermaphrodite porn
black fuckers incorporated
ass whole
~~
Book review:
Joe Hill. Some may know him as Joe Hillstrom King, of the family King. Son of Stephen King (Richard Bachman) and Tabitha King (Tabitha Spruce).
Apparently growing up with a couple writers in the family made it likely that one of their human offspring would pop out and take up a similar occupation. Joe Hill was only recently outted as one of the King family and was wise enough to go out and push himself under a pen name. I likely would not have read his book if i thought it had only been published because of who his DNA was sourced from. instead, i got 50-60 pages into the book before i was advised of this knowledge treat.
from my perspective, writers like Dan Brown (Angels & Demons, DaVinci Code) write “Harry Potter for adults”. they get adults and others who normally would catch fire to a book rather than read one. they force them to read something because everyone is doing it, then when they open the book they are spoon fed the whole plot line and coddled until they understand every secret nuance, they feel smarter because someone told them they are smarter.. this book does not fall into this category.
Heart-shaped box follows the story of Judas (Jude) Coyne, an aging rocker who is along the same vein as Ozzy. he was into the shocking on stage performances and carried his presence off stage too. at just over 50 years old, with his band dead and buried, he sits on his farm and goes about his business ignoring the world for the most part.
early in the book, things start to pick up as his personal assistant, Danny, finds an interesting item on a third rate ebay ripoff auction site. They are selling a ghost, specifically the ghost of an old man. the story goes that the old man wanted to be buried in his Sunday best but the funeral home decided against it. the winner of the auction would in essence be buying the ghost by purchasing the Sunday suit the dead man wanted to be buried in.
Jude and his assistant, decided it would be a fine addition to the collection of human skulls, and various other bizarre/creepy/stereotypical nicknack’s that lay about the rocker’s home. a few days later the suit arrives at his home in a heart shaped box.
this book really caught my attention. from page one to the end, i was stuck in it. when i went on my trip, i took it with me and was a little sad that i could not just hole-up someplace and read it. Joe’s writing style is completely different than his father and mother. he is not a machine writer, pumping out details onto a page using a standard format and plot line. the book is not overly saturated with details. it does not force you along using loosely set plot lines or overly hinted at shocker ideas which would normally pop out in the last 5 pages. there is no secret twist and turns which will make you think you missed something. instead, as you read it, you know that you are getting a straightforward story, which an honest to god surprise ending.
if you look up other reviews of thsi book you will see many people state this was the “scariest book” they have ever read. some will state they are not into horror and this is why they can say this. others, i think just like buffy the vampire style horror and so anything really intense is considered scary. honestly, i didnt find this book to be scary. it falls into the horror category only due to the nature of the plot line, characters, and other entities. i would have to say this is a thriller instead. it kept me glued to the pages, but at no point was i horrified. it was missing all the classical horror stand bys that bad writers fall back on. hell that even good writers fall back on.
it was refreshing to reach the end, smiling, pleased. i wanted more, but did not feel like i was cheated. likewise, i did not feel like i was over explained to.
if you have a sale in 5 minutes, but you talk to the customer for 15 minutes after they said they would buy, you are likely to lose the customer. this called over selling. Joe Hill sold me in about 400 pages and left me. he didnt use another hundred pages to explain all the intricacies that your standard read wouldnt get. he didnt hand hold or coddle the readers. he left a little mystery in the story. he made me go back and reread parts that i figured out had more details that were important. he didnt treat the read like an idiot, and left us to think for ourselves through each part of the book.
he accomplished a work that was no mere Harry Potter, yet was not the cliff notes of a story either. it was a robust, clear cut joy to read.
Books / Stories/ Articles | Comments (2)