Fnord Incorporated

happy happy joy joy

so we love the new house. and it is friggin awesome. big and big and big… the price on the house is right, i have a huge yard and tons of yardwork to go with it. plenty of storage space, and a big ol’garage to put bikes and cars and meth labs in.. no suburban house is complete with out a methlab after all.

the giant garage is very useful since even though we are completely “moved in”, the garage itself is stacked full of stuff owned by both of us. this was a problem for the meth lab plan.. with no basement, we needed to use the space in the garage, but it is unavailable for now.

well, each big event has to have a big downfall and we have a couple of them.. besides being unable to procure space for the meth lab, sufficient knowledge from the internet and movies to create our own meth lab was also lacking. at least we will stay out of jail.

with that fantastic plan out of the way, we only have to worry about our other two big big problems. what we have here is a multi-year rodent problem and a hundred billion ants trillion ants.

the ants are infesting every area they can get to, they come in through the bedroom window and march across the bedroom. from the bedroom they go into both of the main bathrooms. in the kitchen they are all over the counters, doing little ant dances on the counter. its a fuckin ho-down. they even have little musicians playing little jigs. they do not seem to have any small number of friends. when they hang out, there are carpenter ants, sugar ants, red black purple striped. its the fuckin united nations of the pest world. and we have a front seat to their festivities.

besides ants, we have a whole other issue with the kitchen…. Rats. we knew there was a possibility of rodents and were okay with it, but this is a problem apparently left to fewster until it became larger than normal. the house even came iwth a trap in one of the cupboards, but hey.. nothing special there .. right?

we do not know how many, there are but it appears to have been a multi year problem. at first we didnt even notice, but after being in the house a couple nights, we started to hear interesting sounds. we would hear cupboards banging while we were in other rooms with all of our animals, the dogs make strange growling noises at random times. we first attributed that to the addition of my cat, beeza, into their world.

the first time i noticed anything really bizarre, i thought i was just dreaming something. i heard a cick click click of jenns chihuahua Mia on the kitchen floor. i called to her and asked her to come back

to bed. jen rolled over and let me know the dogs were both in the room already.. bingo ! dream right? the next night i hear the same thing again. with both dogs and the cat accounted for, i lay tehre and listen to the scurrying of something large enough to be confused with a chihuahua.. nice… t

ry sleeping fitfully with an ROUS in your home,.. this aint the damn fire swam, and i am not Wesley “the man in black”.. i am not equipped to fight ROUSs.

The next day after discussion with Jenn, she notices where the little beasts are coming into the house. it is under the kitchen counters where they have had a couple years of chewing access from the looks of it. there are 8-10 holes chewed through the counter footboard. sometime in the past, someone thought they would “take care of the problem” by screwing some poorly cut sheet metal over the holes. yeah, they just ate around the metal and came through again. they even started over on the opposing side of the kitchen as well.

We have officially screwed a giant board over the holes and taped the offending cupboard closed. now we hear the noises and the dogs freak out, but it is all contained in a nice little packaged area. luckily we have a supposed ecofriendly company coming out to help remove the pests. friday they will come and remove the little poltergeist noise makers. maybe we will have a nice photo of one of our new room mates to show by then.

obviously, we would have preferred if they ahd this issue resolved before we moved in.. but considering where the entry holes are, i am not personally surprised the property management co didnt know about the issue. all in all though, a pain in the ass we didnt want to deal with.