Fnord Incorporated

Going crazy with the cabin fever.

I thought to myself, hey, almost two weeks off work for surgery.. that is a cake walk! i will get a nice vacation in.. some work around the house.. will be back up and running in 4 days MAX.

yeah, right… So tomorrow is Thursday. exactly one week from when my tonsil surgery occurred. i have been miserable and useless for the most part. i am also pretty sure i have lost 10 pounds or more in the last week.

anyways. i have had virtually no food in a week and i hate Popsicles now with a passion to be rivaled by no super villain ever created. i am overall doing well but have mainly been sitting around in a puddle of “i don’t feel good and i want to die” for a week. i would have let people know how i was ding sooner, but to be honest, when feeling sick, i could really give a rats ass about anything else.. so no offense, but i was being self centered and quiet… i am surprised i still have Jenn hanging around after the last week.

if you want the details of the last week, read on, otherwise, i would hold off.. it is nothing but bitching and moaning.. i could officially write a book about the worst week of my life though no one would read it.

Jenn, when you read this, thank you.
i cannot begin to describe how wonderful and tolerant you have been, love you babe.

Days 1 and 2:

Everything was nice.. i got out of surgery and Jenn came into the recovery room and was kind enough not to mock me as i bawled my eyes out.. i hurt so bad i could not describe. but i also could not communicate with people.

one of the reasons i got this surgery was because of trouble breathing. i have always had a small mouth. to quote my surgeon, i have the mouth of a child one that is “the absolute smallest adult mouth [ He ] had ever worked on”…… great.. i am already conspicuous about my baby sized mouth.. thanks for giving me the old punch on the arm joke before you bounced off to make a butt load more cash off someone. poorly timed jokes aside, the surgery was to free up space at the back of my throat. over the years, my tonsils have swollen larger and larger with my baby mouth being the same size. this leaves the ittiest bittiest gap to breath through.. they wanted to get my tonsils out last year but opted to fix my broken (seven times over) nose fixed instead.. so that was last summers bag of fun.

laying in recovery, i have the glory of fighting off a panic attack post surgery, not due to lack of breathing, but lack of being able to feel the sensation of breathing.. i couldn’t feel it, so it must not be happening.. control they hyper ventilation and finally bolt back home.

the next morning was pretty good, i thought i was going to be right on track with my plan. i was sore, very sore, but the cough syrup style narcotics that Jenn picked up for me in the hospital pharmacy was doing its job well. thank you oxycodone. thank you for the love you shared with me.

day three was mellow.. pain increased. my friend Oxy left me to dangle in the wind. first by failing to cut the pain anymore, then by running out and failing to even try to cut the pain anymore. Jenn is beginning to become bothered by my altered sleeping habits. i am unable to sleep the night through due to pain and nausea and ache and need for hydration. so she and i have been in separate rooms.. it sucks, but i know she needed her sleep for work and stuff. cant have an exhausted man getting out of bed every 45 minutes, accidentally waking the dogs, wander around and bump into stuff, then wander back to bed. it does not make for restful sleep, or so i am told.

days 4-7:

anytime someone gets throat surgery, there is a smell associated with it that is terrible. wish i would have been warned about it. no methods of cleaning/brushing/gargling will remove it.. and it smells like death itself. all i get anymore is cheek pecks cause lip to lip kisses are enough to make a woman gag. sigh, i don’t blame her either. it took two full days after the stench arrived for me to get my sense of smell back. after that first smell, thoughts of “hey, don’t pick on the sick boy for mouth odor” were out the window. i have to sleep with a fan on and a window or door open in order not to drown in the odor.

come to find out that the smell, it is rank because it is rotting flesh. apparently, not everything gets removed during the surgery. instead, they cut snip and do a series of tie offs, and then you have a few nays of the left over flesh becoming necrotic and falling apart. flashlight and mirror in hand, i began to get tired of this whole sick business and decided to investigate my throat myself.

it was during this investigation that i learned that my uvula is gone… you say, what is a uvula? i say it is that dangley thing in the back of your throat. I took a flashlight and a mirror
and i stared at my throat.. something was missing.. it was weird looking in a more than “recent surgery” manner. WHERE THE HELL IS MY DANGLEY!!??. apparently part of the death smell from hell is the recent loss of my dangle muscle. they just tied it off and let it fall off of its own accord.