July 14th, 2008 by erisian

I pose the following questions to the world… but i require no answer as i am pig headed and full of myself.

Using the following photographs (taken by me), can we use “logic” to determine what Pac-Man and Mrs Pac-Man eat when they are not chasing down ghosts or fruit? I think we can.  I am fairly certain that we will determine that what they eat is in fact human babies, ground up and squashed into little plastic wrapped tubes of goodness… Follow along…

Questions:

1) If 75% of the waffle that ZackDaddy made is shaped like Pac-Man, what is the other 25% indicative of?

I would say that it would indicate the “dot” that is spewn across the game screen when playing, the same dots that when completely eaten allows Mr. and Ms. Pac to move on in levels.

2) If Ms Pac-Man eats dots and chases ghosts, AND EATS BABIES, then what are the dots made of? How can we trust her statement, as recorded in the photograph, that she does eat babies? Is it all a stunt to get attention now that she is past her prime?

Logically, the dots eaten in her game, could be bread, or rabbit food, or BABIES (among other possibilities). but why would anyone ever make baby pellets.. the processing time for making little baby circles would  outweigh the desire to have them. if processed baby meat does not exist, we can rule it out entirely.

3) HA! Processed baby meat DOES exist, as Baby Bologna. Check out its slim tube, one baby per package seems about the right size. See the soft pliable pinkish color, similar to the soft pliable pink flesh of a young human? If baby bologna comes in tubes (which could be sliced to become circular dots), would Mrs Pac-Man eat them?

OF COURSE she would eat them baby bologna in its very existence removes the troublesome processing time needed to make babies into usable foodstuffs and convenient sandwich filler.

my logic, though seemingly faulty and seemingly random, is neither faulted nor random. please give any additional  information you have that may assist in determining if Ms Pac does in fact eat babies. anyone who attempts to persuade me that baby bologna is NOT made from babies will be shot, hung upside down, castrated, burnt alive then added to a package titled “Adult Bologna” and resold in the open market.

side note - Jenn wrote a song about baby bologna. she is a genius.
(sung to the tune of “Rubber Ducky”)

Baby bologna you’re the one

You make lunch time lots of fun

Baby bologna you’re awfully tasty too

Woo woo be doo

Baby bologna, joy of joys

When I eat you, I make a gleeful noise

Baby bologna, you’re my favorite lunch, it’s true!

Doo doo doo doo doo doo

Every day when I

Make my way to the food cubby

I find a little tube of baby who’s

Cute and pink and chubby

Babe-a-bologna!

Baby bologna, taste so fine

And I’m lucky that you’re mine o’ mine

Baby bologna, I’m totally fond of you

Every day when I

Make my way to the food cubby

I find a little tube of baby who’s

Cute and pink and chubby

Baby bologna, taste so fine

And I’m lucky that you’re mine o’ mine

Baby bologna, I’m awfully fond of –

Baby bologna, I’d like a whole pound of –

Baby bologna, I’m so glad I found you!

Doo doo be doo!