Fnord Incorporated

04 Aug 2008
2:01 pm

When you open up the oven and the rump roast farts.

WARNING, There is some really sick stuff at the bottom of this post. Dont read it if you know you will bitch about it later.. - k, thanks.

“Grosser than gross” jokes -What happened to them?

- I remember being a kid and everyone knew at least one grosser than gross joke. Over the years these same jokes became even more disgusting as the “Grosser” generation grew up and learned how to mix and match the most disturbing things they could come up with. Kudos to you all, you are my kind of people. Or at least, you were… What the hell happened after that? Did we all tire of them, or find them to be too juvenile to bother with? Was it just lost to a new trend of jokes? Do we need a revival of the Garbage Pail kids and semi-toxic childrens toys in order to bring back the joy of nauseating humor? C’mon folks.

Backstory

- I started thinking about this after reading a post on the Burnside Writer’s Blog. Burnside is a collection of Portland area writers who dump ideas and smatterings of text together on a variety of topics. The one that caught my attention was aptly titled “what’s grosser than gross?“, from back in January 2008.

Bryan Allain’s post is short but sweet, a list of things that people do in an office (or other) environment. The items are annoying habits, disgusting things, and annoying people traits. I never got around to posting a response on their page, but I would have to add in the people in my office who are fake hand washers.

Fake hand washers are the one or two people who use the loo then turn on the water, pump the soap handle, turn off the water, and then grapple with the papertowels dispenser and wrestle free a dead tree to dry with. These bastards, never once get their hands wet. No water runs rivulets down their skin. No soap dots the backs of their hands in the beautifully foamy way that makes you want to go home and make a bubble bath. No scalding, lukewarm, tepid, or cold fluids wash away the nasty little germs that infest their person. Yet they pretend to wash, and after that, pretend to dry.

My buddy Alex and I have a tally going, an ongoing collection of names and faces that either quick wash or fake wash. Identifying and avoiding things that people touch was not enough for me, and at one point, I put up a sign on the restroom mirror chastising those few who needed a little schooling. The thing that gets me is that obviously they are aware they are putting my health at risk (and of course others, but they don’t count). They know it. Why else would they put on a show? What other reason would push them into performing their little counterfeit cleaning ritual. They go through the motions because they do not want anyone to call them out for not washing. The sign was removed with in an hour of it being posted and no one changed their habits. I should really post another one soon.

Dirty dirty bastards. I hope that Louis Pasteur climbs out of his grave and throttles you with his zombie microbiologist hands till you cry out for mercy, mewling that you will be more sanitary in the future. Only you will be choking due to the inhuman afterlife strength of a brilliant dead frenchman, so your death will occur and noone will hear your pleas for tolerance and forgiveness. I will sing songs about your death and dance on your gra..

Ok.. Sorry, my point is in severe digression and i need to get out of that rut… and backinto the other.

Grosser than Gross

- So here is the dealio. I love the GG jokes. I refuse to let them die. so we are going to start a collection of them. I have scoursed the internet and collected a massive number of GG’s.

I am posting them here for your amusement. Learn them, disseminate them out into the populace. I do not want any of you to stop until we have gottent he ball rolling with the young ones. Lets dirty some minds, remove the politically correct goggles, and roll around in the gutter for a while.
Read through the list and add any that you know or any NEW ones that you can think of!

I am officially holding a contest. Which ever person either gives me a significant increase to the collection, they will get a prize.I will mail it to you. It’s value may be questionalble or great.. i have not yet decided on the prize yet, but rest assured, it will be as cool as hell

A alternate prize will also be given for the best NEW GG joke.

GET TO WORK FOOLS! MAKE ME PROUD!

15 to get you started.

What’s gross? - Finding your grandma’s panties.
What’s grosser than Gross? - Finding your grandpa wearing them.
Whats gross? When you sit on your grandpa’s lap and he pops a boner.
Whats grosser? When you sit on your grandma’s lap and she pops a boner!
Whats gross? A bloody used tampon.
Whats grosser? Seeing two vampires fighting over it.
Whats gross? Chunky Mayonnaise.
Whats grosser? When you find a condom at the bottom of the Mayonnaise jar!
Whats gross? A scab collection.
Whats grosser? Eating Raisin Bran when your brother can’t find his.
Whats gross? When a cheerleader does a split and she gets stuck to the floor
Whats grosser? The tupperware sound you hear when she gets peeled off.
Whats gross? When a cheerleader does a split and 5 class rings fall out.
Whats grosser? When one ring is her brothers.
Whats grosser than that? It is still on his finger.
Whats gross? - unknown-
Whats grosser? Hugging your grandma and her nipples get hard
Whats gross? Siamese twins connected at the mouth.
Whats grosser? When one throws up.
Whats gross? Your girlfriend thinking she has crabs.
Whats grosser? Finding out they were really fruit flies,
Whats gross? Catching your parents have sex.
Whats grosser? Your parents catching you beating off to it.
Whats gross? Catching your great grand parents having sex.
Whats grosser? They ask you to join.
Whats grosser than that? You do.
Whats grosser than that? Bringing your dog.
Whats gross? When your girlfriend masterbates with a cucumber.
Whats grosser? When she masterbates with a cucumber but pulls out a pickle.
Whats grosser than that? The unlabled bottle of pickles in your fridge.
Grosser than that? Your dad eating one.
Whats gross? Dreaming about eating chocolate pudding and waking up with crap on your face.
Whats grosser? Finding out you have a spoon lodged in your ass.
Whats gross? Sticking a tooth pick in your toe nail and kicking a wall.
Whats grosser? Sliding down a razor blade and landing in a vat of salt and lemon juice.